You’re great, but …

rejection

2016 has been a year I won’t be sad to say goodbye to. For me, this was the year of rejection:

Rejection #1: SINgle Professor

While this one has since rebounded quite nicely, my American friend in Singapore dealt me with a bit of a blow when he told me the trip I had planned to visit him would have to be purely platonic since he’d just secured himself a girlfriend.

My head had always known there was nothing more to this ‘relationship’ than friends plus, but it still stung. I confessed to him that I was actually a bit jealous – not that he was no longer an option, but that he had found someone to spend time with and enjoy, something I’ve been looking for.

Ego damage: 2 – this wasn’t about me. This was proximity, plain and simple. Also, said professor is coming for a visit next week, so there’s that.

Rejection #2: UnScotsman

This one annoyed me to no end. We went on a date and had good chats, but was I attracted to him? Not really. Was I bored and trying to dip my toes into actually dating again? Yes.

After about a month and a half of dating, as we were naked about to have meh sex, he informed me that he really liked me, but just wasn’t that into me.

WELL I’M NOT INTO YOU!

Ego damage: 6 – I was rejected by a man who I wasn’t attracted to! Few things sting like that does.

Rejection #3: Flying Dutchman

This one still perplexes me. Our first date was solid – good chat, cute, smart, ambitious, tall Dutch man (have I mentioned how much I love Amsterdam!?) and he was flirting with me in the messages following.

Second date was solid again, and again, consistent flirting and banter.

Third date was good, but by this point I had had enough. What’s your deal, son? So I asked, and he replied: You’re my new favourite person in Dubai, but I don’t want a relationship.

Fine.

Ego damage: 5 – I knew the spark wasn’t really there. I think I was trying to force something.

Rejection #3: Out of Order Lawyer

Another guy I was totally meh about, but got a second date for the worst reason of all: I felt like I owed it to him.

Our first date was extravagant. He took me to one of the fanciest restaurants in town and spent close to $600 on dinner. Now, I ALWAYS offer to split the bill, but I’ve never been so happy for someone to say no. This is not something I had budgeted for, but he really wanted to go.

While there was no spark, the extravagant dinner made me think I should give him another shot. Spark can be built over a few meetings, right?

Our second date was much more up my alley: a nice pub for some food and a few beers. Over the course of dinner, he casually mentions how he’s a confirmed bachelor.

Me: What does that mean to you?
Him: I don’t see myself ever being in a relationship again.
Me: So, what are we doing here?
Him: I really like your company, and wanted to spend more time with you.

No, just no.

Don’t waste my time like this. I am a person looking for a romantic connection, not new platonic male friends – I have enough of those. After dinner, I went to my girlfriend’s house and drank wine on her roof, the way the universe intended.

Ego Damage: 4 – while I wasn’t attracted to him, this didn’t feel like a personal rejection, just an overall situational rejection.

Rejection #4 : Tall, dark and Belgian

I broke a first date rule of mine for this guy – we didn’t consume any alcohol! Despite that, it was a great date, one of those dates that actually gets better the more you think about it. We were texting nonstop all week, and we had date #2 the next weekend.

Second date was equally as good. Smart, funny, TALL, cute, and nerdy – check, check, check, check, and check. At the end of the evening, I invited him over for a night cap. We had a little dance party in my living room and then he stayed over.

He was affectionate all night and the whole next morning. When he left, it was all kisses, and talk soons, but then the messages were … different. The response time was longer, and the banter wasn’t there. I invited him over for dinner before he went away for the week, and he said he couldn’t and that he would be away for the next 3 weeks. After a few more messages, he informed me that he doesn’t really have time to date right now, that he’s figuring stuff out (he’s recently divorced with two kids) and he simply can’t.

THEN WHY ARE YOU DATING?!

Listen, I have no problem if you’re not up for actual dating, but don’t put yourself online without clearly indicating such.

Ego Damage: 8 – I liked this one. I thought he had potential. Apparently he did not.

 

 

Rebounding in Singapore

During my first business trip to Singapore, my heart was still very heavy from Full of Potential. I was perusing OkCupid, but wasn’t really into it, so I didn’t expect much when I said yes to meeting an American fellow for burgers and beers one evening.

We met at what he said was place with cool Japanese craft beers.

Well, a girl can’t say no to burgers and beers. So I went, thinking I’d be back in my hotel by 11.

He was very tall, blonde (not usually my thing) and knew about stuff I knew about – sports, tv shows, board games, music. It was such a treat to sit across from someone who was able to talk about Buffy and then go into detail about the NHL season. A really tasty burger, and several beers later, the evening was coming to a close.

“Do you want to come over for a game of Pandemic?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied, knowing full well this invite had nothing to do with a board game, but more about the fact that he wanted to see me without my clothes, and to be honest, I wanted to see him without his.

Back to his we went, and soon enough the clothes were off.

This was the first of several encounters with my lover in Singapore.

Every time we hang out, we have endless things to talk about, get along so well and the sex is some of the best I’ve ever had. There is a considerable amount of respect there, but nothing relationshippy about it – we’ve put each other in a box that does not include a that potential, which is probably good for my heart.

Honestly

About four years ago, I hooked up with a friend from high school. Unexpected Ed was nothing more than a one-night stand and I was quite happy with that. I knew it wasn’t something that would or could go anywhere. Hell, it didn’t even cross my mind.

We remain Facebook friends, and he often comments on my photos, and I’ve caught him late night liking or commenting on my old photos – flattering, yes.

When I was home recently, I sent him a message letting him know I was going to be bringing my parents to his restaurant for dinner.

We arrived at the restaurant, and he came out of the kitchen to say hi. He brought us this lovely appetizer and when he delivered it, said “Do you want to hang out after dinner?”

Sure. The sex was pretty awesome last time, and well, I needed something to get Full of Potential off my mind.

He messaged me when he was done work, and I went over to his place for, well, a booty call. We were catching up, and making out, when he pulled away and said “I’ve not been honest with you.”

NOTHING good comes from that sentence. Nothing.

“I’ve not been able to stop thinking about you since that night four years ago. You have had such an impact on my life, and I think you’re exceptional.”

Lady boner gone.

No longer was I able to have sex with this guy – his emotions were involved! He talked about how much it sucks that we live so far away, and I tried to not give him hope, but also not to tell him that he just wasn’t someone I’d actually date. He talked about travelling to Dubai to visit me, and how we should try to make this work.

How?! We live on opposite sides of the world and well, if it didn’t work with Good Will, it wouldn’t work with Ed.

I heard from him the next day, but nothing since. Phew.

This proved to me though that guys are just as ridiculous as us ladies. Sometimes we just get hung up on someone who left an impact ages ago, and that’s ok, because apparently it happens to everyone once and a while.

Timing

love-o-clock

Borrowed from Single Gal in the City

I’ve long held the belief that the only two things a relationship needs to initially take hold is chemistry and timing. If one is off or missing, the whole thing will fall apart.

Unfortunately, the timing with Mr. Full of Potential was just wrong. The chemistry was amazing, but after our Bangkok getaway, he headed back to Myanmar for work.

The digital chatter continued, but as the weeks went on, it started to wane. He was frustrated – who can blame him? He was stuck in a remote village that Lonely Planet suggests you skip, for four weeks longer than he had expected.

After a day of beaching, and beers I came home and sent the following:

“We’ve missed our chance, haven’t we?”

The subsequent conversation revealed his frustration with the situation and how much he hates his life right now. And then he disappeared. POOF! Just like that.

I sent him a follow-up email, because I hated how things were left. I’d spent days writing it, obsessing over every word and comma.

 

It’s been three weeks and still nothing.

I hate that the timing was wrong. I hate that I was wrong about him – how do you not respond to that email!? I hate that I actually liked this one. I hate that I would still totally see him if he did get in touch.

The thing is, I’ve been dating a while. In cities around the world. I know how rare it is to find anyone you like enough to go on a second date with, let alone spend a whole weekend together.

Timing. Ugh.

Screw you time. We’re in a huge fight right now.

Potential Goes Abroad

tumblr_lgirboZVRF1qz6f9yo1_500

via David Ryan

After a great third date, where Mr. Full of Potential wooed me with his cooking skills, breakfast in bed (A FIRST!) and general awesomeness, we met briefly before he headed to Myanmar for work.

“It’s only two weeks and we can meet in Bangkok the weekend before I head back,” he said.

Again, I assumed this was just chatter. Who suggests such outlandishness after three dates?!

Our Whatsapp banter continued while he was away. He was thoughtful and open and more engaging over digital communications than most men I’ve met are in real life. This was all too good to be true.

During his second week, we confirmed our plans to meet in Bangkok. A weekend away with the best man I’ve met since Good Will sounded like the best idea ever.

“Let’s get the fancy hotel, this is going to be a weekend of indulgence,” he said.

Indulgence it was. Five-star restaurants, full-day spa treatments, champagne with breakfast in bed – this trip was nothing short of awesome.

I was flying the night before he was. As I packed, and got ready for my flight, I said to him “I haven’t liked someone in a really long time, so I might act a little crazy or weird on occassion. Please forgive me in advance.”

“On occassion? I think you’re underestimating how crazy and weird you actually are,” he teased before kissing me goodbye.

I think I like this one. Possibly a lot. And that scares the shit out of me.

Potential: The Sequel

Date #2 with Ftumblr_ns460n2JKa1qz6f9yo1_r1_500ull of Potential (FoP) was set while he was away. We were going to go for breakfast, probably nurse our hangovers, and then head out to a beer festival.

Have I mentioned I love beer? And I love a man that loves beer as much as I do. I’m not talking Budweiser, but good, interesting beer. Knowing my love of beer, FoP brought me 12 beers from UK breweries to sample. I mean, he packed 12 bottles of beer in his suitcase for me to try.

Who does that?! He does.

So he met me at my apartment, dropped off the beer, and off we went for the day. When we got to our breakfast place I was hungover as all hell. I mean, I was barely alive.

He said “Do you want to go home?”. Hell no! I haven’t been out with a boy I properly liked in ages, nothing was going to stop me from seeing where this day would lead.

We continued on, and he witnessed a miracle. I went from flatlining and then back to myself over the course of breakfast. At one point he pointed out the stark difference in the girl who walked in to the restaurant to the one walking out.

Early on in the date he mentioned that his boss had informed him that he would be going away again later this week. My heart sunk. But he said “Meet me in Bangkok?”. I brushed it off as a ridiculous thing that people sometimes say on dates.

Off to the beer festival we went. Bad music, over priced beer, lack of air conditioning, and an overall poor setting took us to venue #3. Again, the atmosphere left much to be desired, so I suggested an alternative.

As we walked out, I boldly said to to him: You know where else has drinks? My apartment.

We walked into my apartment, I made us drinks, we chatted and a few minutes later he kissed me, and said “I’ve been thinking about that since we first met.”

He spent the night, but nothing more happened, despite him not leaving until 1PM the next day. It was 26 hours of us hanging out. 26 hours and I didn’t want to kill him. As he was leaving my apartment he said “What are you doing tomorrow night?” He wanted to hang out the next night. He wanted date #3 to happen that quickly.

Something happened on this date – I started to actually fall for this boy.

 

You’ve Got Potential

enhanced-buzz-wide-23193-1436363340-7Before a recent solo holiday, I received the most charming message on OkCupid, which in itself is a treat, because, well, ‘Hey Gurl’ is about as articulate as men seem to be these days.

A few replies later, and I sent the date request: I think we should grab a beer.

He was away on work for a couple of weeks, so the next ten days were spent with non-stop banter over WhatsApp. From morning til night, there was no stopping the chatter, and it was lovely.

I said to a girlfriend how this felt very much like You’ve Got Mail. We had built up this virtual rapport, that I would be a fool to not give this guy a chance, regardless of what he looked like in person.

Our first date was pretty great. Inside jokes we had developed over the past 10 days, easy chats, similar sense of humour – this was a good first date.

The date had a time limit – when we finished he had to catch a flight to a friend’s wedding. Upon him getting to the airport, I received the single best follow-up email ever. I don’t know, but after last year’s series of flings, and two and a half years of douchebags, this one feels like it has some potential.